After Clomid and Trigger Shot.

For the two people who read this (Ha! I'm not kidding anyone.  I am the only one who reads this) I apologize for taking so long to update.  I wrote this big long post out but couldn't proof read it/publish it before my weekend visitor came over.  I came back Sunday to what I thought would be a saved draft post to an empty screen.  Ticked off a blogger I slammed my laptop closed and didnt cool off about it all until today.  :)

So here we go...

I went in for multiple ultrasounds last week and found out that I had three dominate follicles.  (Two at first and then the last ultrasound showed that a third started to grow).  When I was first told the news I was so relieved.  After I left the office I actually sat in my car and cried happy tears.  Finally after a year of trying I felt a little bit of hope returning.  I couldn't believe it.  I actually responded well to the clomid. 

On the 26th the nurse called the afternoon after my appointment to tell me that the RE wanted me to trigger.  Like the drama queen that I am I hung up the phone and freaked the hell out.  I was scared.  Terrified.  I cried.  I did not want to give myself a shot.  I quickly asked hubs via text if he would do it for me and his response was something along the lines of I am not really comfortable with this, at all, but will if you need me.  Great.

So that night I got the shot all ready and handed it over to my Hubs telling him to do it.  He then handed it back to me telling me that he couldn't.  This back and forth exchange when on for about ten mins, no joke, before he agreed that he could do this to help me out.  I stood there, pinching my stomach fat with my face turned away for him for about five mins while he stood there with the needled aimed at my stomach and waited.  And waited.  And waited.  I turned to him and asked him what the hell was taking him so long because I was starting to sweat and my heart was pounding.  His responded that he was worried about hurting me or bending the needle inside me and that he is going to do it but just slowly and steadily.  At that point I grabbed the needle from him and told him to get the heck out of my way.  I was going to give myself the damn shot.  And I did.  

Honestly the anticipation of it all was a million times worse then actually administering it.  Hubs thanked me for doing it saying that he wanted to help but really couldn't get himself to do it.  He then said something along the lines that he didn't go into medicine for a reason and then mumbled something like "its just not right to have to do something like that to your wife".  I told him he was a wuss.  

Tomorrow I go in to check my progesterone levels and then I go in next Thursday for a blood draw to see if I am pregnant.  

Beginning Clomid

On Saturday, CD 2, I got my blood drawn and another ultrasound to check my follicle count. Later that afternoon I got a call from the nurse telling me that my FSH count went up from the following month. It was at a 12.9 now from an 11. I didn't get a specific number of follicles but from what I understood it was less than what I had the following month and to top it off I had a small cyst. I was driving my car when she told me this and was so taken by surprise so I didn't ask too many questions. Before I knew it the conversation was over.

Basically, this was not the news I was hoping to hear. I was hoping my levels would go down since I heard that your chances with DOR to respond well to fertility med are only as good as your highest FSH level. Before I allowed myself to go into full panic mode I decided to call the office again, ask questions and get some additional information from the nurse.

I asked her if clomid would be a bust this cycle since my levels were elevated from the prior month and she assured me that they were not. She said that if my FSH levels were closer to the 18 range then we would have to go straight to IVF. She said my success rate with clomid for this cycle with my current FSH levels would only go down a couple percents.

During our discussion I decided that I didn't want to do this cycle unmonitored anymore. I figured that by monitoring this cycle I will know for sure if my body reacted well to the clomid or not. It will also take away any guess work as to if I'm ovulating. I felt a million times better after making that phone call and changing our treatment plan.

Then I waited for the evening of CD 5 to my first Clomid pill. The following morning, yesterday, I felt like pure crap. My head was pounding, my mouth had a metallic taste to it, and I was nauseous. The whole nine yards. I realized quickly yesterday that if I ate small snacks throughout the day and kept hydrated I felt a lot better.

I'm not a breakfast person but this morning I made myself eat some a toasted pb&j first thing in the am with my morning coffee. I feel great. No headache. No nausea. No nasty taste in my mouth. I am feeling some twingies in my ovaries so hopefully that means something positive is going on down there.


The game plan now is to keep taking the clomid at night until CD 9 and then see the RE on Monday to see it it helped. In the meantime I'm sending good follicle producing vibes to my ovaries.

Diminishing Ovarian Reserve

That was the outcome of my appointment this past Saturday. My ovary production is in the 25% for women my age. Even though there is indeed an issue he said that I was by no means in the freak out zone. I do need help. That is for sure. The way I see it this is my body's way of saying hurry up.

During the u/s they took a week or so ago they look for approximately 10 follicles in each ovary and I had 7 on each. My fsh hormone and amh hormone was also elevated higher than average.

He assured me that my having a period at a younger age had nothing to do with this. Nor does any birth control I took in the past. The count I have is what I was born with. As I'm getting older its diminishing. End of story. (Which was a major relief to me. Gianna could have an early period, like me and the rest of the women in my family, but that doesn't mean she will go through this BS. I was really worried about this.)

He said I have three options: clomid, injectables, and IVF. Basically it is up to Hubs and I on how aggressive we want to be.  Each option has a different success rate and an increase chance in having multiples. He said that getting an IUI vs doing it naturally does not change our success rates with clomid or the injectables. Having achieved a pregnancy on our own prior to this diagnosis only adds 1% to our success.

I asked him if he was in my shoes what would he do. He said considering that I've never had any types of fertility medication he would try clomid first to see how my body reacts to it. 

His suggestion was that we try that for a few months. Then move on to something more aggressive, as long as my body reacts well to it. If it doesn't react well to the clomid then we would change plans more quickly and move on to something more aggressive. 

I asked about natural remedies and supplements and he flat out said to NOT use any. I cannot "fix" this and things like Royal Jelly and wheatgrass do not help my situatiion. He said accupuncter is fine but he doesn't believe it helps or hurts the process.

My final question to him was what the state of my ovaries would be if I do succeed achieving a pregnancy quickly and want to try again in three years for another. He couldn't give me a straight up answer. He said as woman age their ovarian reserve decreases. That is a fact. He cannot tell me right now if my ovaries are on a steep decline or not. So it's basically a we will know when we get there type of thing.

So Hubs and I had to make a decision pretty quickly since I was already in my 2 week wait and expecting my period very soon. I'm to call as soon as I hit CD 1 which is due today. Then we are to proceed with our plans right away. 

Hubs and I had a long talk about it and we decided to give Clomid a shot. The RE plans on putting me on 100mg that I need to take from CD 5-9. I will test later on to see if I will need to take progesterone too. We are not going to go the IUI route.


I feel better. In fact, I feel hopeful again. Its not an ideal disgnosis but it's not destitute. Now I have to just show my ovaries who's boss and those bitches are gonna find out real quick that it's not them. Not anymore at least.

So that's that. 

Testing and Waiting

On March 17 I went in for an ultrasound and to check my FSH levels. It seemed simple enough. I was told that they would perform and internal U/S to check things out and then draw your blood. Then in a day or so I would see my results on-line.

During my u/s the tech tells me the my uterus looks good and healthy and then moves on to my ovaries where she start counting follicles. She counts seven on each side so a grand total of 14. I then ask her what the average number of follicles should be and what the doctor looks for and she tell me eight or a total of 16. Not gonna lie, not stomach sank and immediately my brain starts going into overdrive. I can't help but think "Shit. Shit shit shit! I'm two short of normal. What does that mean? Can that be fixed? Two short isn't bad, is it? Shit."

When all was done I went to the reception desk to schedule my next appointment when I was told that they are still waiting on the result from the seman analysis. Thats when they dropped the bomb. The seman analysis take a few weeks and is not ready yet. They would schedule our next consultation to go over the results in three weeks. They want to wait until everything comes in, including the SA, before we meet for our consultation and game planning session. Basically meaning that we are again on our own for our current cycle and have another three more weeks to wait and worry to find out what's going on.

My blood results came in a few days later and I did what I'd like to think any normal person would do in my situation. I googled my results. I wish I didn't. My FSH levels are moderately high. From what "Dr Google" says RE's hope to see levels 9 and below. Levels at 10 respond well to medication. Levels 12 and above have a very slim chance to do well. My level is an 11. From what I'm gathering my body is entering perimenopause, or the beginning stages of menopause.

Needless to say I had a major freak out. Many many crying, and I mean ugly crying, sessions. I'm scared. I'm worried. I'm nervous. I never thought I would having such a difficult time getting pregnant. I always thought I'd have this big family, so I cant help but think and worry.....what if this is it?...what if my body is failing me....at 30?....

This Friday I went for my HSG test. This is the test where they insert dye into your uterus and Fallopian tubes and take x-rays to see if there are any blockages. Pretty interesting test to participate in, or maybe I'm just a nerd like that and only I think it's interesting. I got to see my uterus fill up with dark fluid and then slowly watch the dye travel its way through both to my tubes and spill out onto my ovaries. Which is a good thing. It means there were no blockages.

So now I wait. Wait for the seman analysis results to come in. Wait for my appointment on the 7th. Wait to find out exactly what everything means and how that translates into treatment for us. Wait. Worry. wait.

Irony

Let me tell you a short story on irony. February 14th 2009 I took a pregnancy test and to my disbelief when I looked at the test two lines were staring back at me. Nine months later Gianna was born.

This Valentine day instead of looking at a positive pregnancy test like I hoped, I got the opposite, and then made a phone call to a RE. What only took three months to do the first time is proving to be much more difficult the second. We need help. I hope for answers. I pray for a miracle.

We went for out first consultation a week ago and was told about all the "fun" testing we will be will have to do. They encouraged my husband to go in right away and give them a sample of his boys so he did that yesterday.

The RE said that we should be able to get all of our testing done and come up with a game plan before this next cycle comes around. So I wait. Wait for one cycle to end so I can start another which hopefully will make us one step closer to becoming parents to a second child.

My Year and a Half Year Old Tried to Outsmart Us.

Gianna is obsessed with my iPhone.  We hear "phone, phone phone" all day long.  


A few night ago was playing with my phone right before bed time. Per our usual routine Hubs went and grabbed Gianna's blanket and paci out of her crib and asked her if she is ready to go to bed. Usually she will run into his arms and he will take her into the room and lay her down into bed. 

Well this time it was much different.  Hubs came out of her room and into the living room with her blanket and paci and told her that it was time to go bobo. (Our version of night night.)  Instead of running into his arms she scurried out of the living room when with iPhone in hand and into her bedroom. She quickly came out of her room room empty handed. She then ran into my DH's arm and laid her head on his shoulder, as if saying "I am so ready. Take me to bed now." 


We bring her into the room and sure as hell the iPhone is in her crib. We pretend we do not see it and Hubs lays her down in her bed just to see what she does. She quickly grabs her blankets, grabs the iphone and lays down with the phone in hand and with the biggest smile on her face. 

Sneaky little kid. Tried to hide the phone in her bed so she could continue to play with it.  I have a funny feeling that if our 1.5 year old is trying to outsmart us now we are going to be in BIG trouble when she turns 13.  

Miss Gianna with *her* phone.  Not as much fun as mine. 

Breaking a Bad Habit

I have been fortunate to have always had an amazing sleeper.  By the time Gianna was 4 months old she was sleeping a solid 12 hours and taking 3 naps a day without any issues.  I didn't have to rock her, she wouldn't say a peep when I laid her down in her crib, and I never had to cheek up on her in the middle of the night. Totally lucky, I know.

Somewhere along the lines I messed it all up.  It all started about a month or two ago.  Hubs gets up at an ungodly hour in the morning to go to the gym and then comes back home to shower, eat and then leaves for work.  The mornings he works out he is up at 4:00 am and the mornings that he goes straight to work he wakes up at 5:00 am.  He said he tried his best to be very quite in the mornings but for one reason or another he always woke Gianna and I up.  On top of it all she had a horrible cold and wasn't sleeping very well due to the congestion.   So when Gianna would start crying with sleepy eyes I would go into her room, scoop her up and bring her into bed with me.  Together she and I would sleep for another two hours or so.

At first this would happen about twice a week.  I loved the snuggle time and didn't mind that I wasn't getting much sleep in the morning.  My normally non snugly toddler would curl up against me and fall asleep.   I soaked it in and told myself she is not feeling well so its ok.

Then it began to happen three times a week. Then four.  Now it happens every single morning, EVEN on the weekends.  I know that it's no longer Hubs making too much noise in the mornings because after a scolding or two he has become as quite as a mouse when her gets ready for the day.  She is no longer congested so its not that.  I could blame it on teething but she hasn't had any new teeth come through in months.  I have allowed the bed sharing to become a habit.  Plain and simple.

Gianna will now wake up after he leaves and the only thing that will calm her down is bringing her into bed with me.  I have tired rocking her, tried calming her down by rubbing her back and head while in her crib, I tried letting her cry it out with the hopes that she gives up and goes back to bed on her own.  None of it works.  I have created a monster.  She will throw an absolute fit in the wee hours of the morning until I pick her up and bring her into bed with me.  She sleeps like an angel and momma gets an hour or two of unrestful sleep.

I have started this bad habit and I need to break it.  So this is my vow.   Starting today I am going to do everything in my power to break Gianna and myself from this bed sharing habit.  Wish me luck.  I am going to need it.