Friday, August 3, 2012

And My World Came Crashing Down on Me

I completed my injectable cycle and once again, although I responded very well, I have nothing to show for it.  Wednesday I went into my REs office on CD2 to get the ball rolling for IVF.  The plan was to be on BC for a little over two weeks and then start stimming on August 26th.

Although I was super nervous I was starting to allow myself to get excited.  I toyed with the idea that come mid Septemebr this nightmare may be all over.  I could see myself getting closer and closer to the finish line.  I was ready.

Then it all came to a screeching halt.  On my way home from my REs office I get a phone call from someone in the billing department.  She asked if I could talk and I told her that I could but I was in my car. She urged me to call her back when I returned home.  Knowing that my insurance covers a lifetime max of 4 IVFs I couldn't imagine what she wanted to discuss but told her I would.

I ran my errands and called her a couple hours later.  It was then that I found out that although Hubs insurance policy states that it covers all testing, treatment, IUIs and a lifetime max of 4 IVFs there is only a 5 grand yearly infertility max. Meaning, our insurance says it covers all this crap until we hit 5 grand then it's 100% out of our pocket.  5 grand may seem like a lot of money but in the infertility world it's crap.  Pure and utter crap.

She then proceeded to tell us that we hit out max.  We hit our max on a bunch of shit that hasn't done us any good.  To say I was in shock would have been an understatement.  Here this whole time hubs and I were thanking our lucky stars each and everyday for such amazing coverage.  Coverage that would help lessen the stress on trying to create a miracle.  It gave me the reassurance that even with crap ovaries and the possibility of crap eggs I can still give Gianna a sibling someday.  I thought that even if it wasn't in the first shot we could keep trying until it happened and move past this limbo hell we have been living in.  To only have that all abruptly taken away.  I can't stop sobbing.  I feel angry, gutted, frustrated.  And I'm filled with regret.  So so much regret.

I keep playing over in over in my head the things we would have done differently if we would have only known.  We wouldn't have put 20% down on a new home that we bought four short months ago.  Heck, maybe we would not have even bought a new home.  We would have done more research re: DOR and treatment plans instead of blindly following the REs suggestions.  Maybe we would have gone straight to IVF.  Maybe, would of, could of, should of.....

I'm killing myself with all these scenarios.

In the end, Hubs is trying to talk to his company.  See if they will do anything to help us out.  We know it's a long shot but he says he wouldn't be doing right for his family if he didn't at least try and ask.  I've been thinking of ways I can cut costs or things I can sell to bring in some extra cash.  We are determined to have the 10 grand ready for a Jan start date with the assistance of the 5 grand in insurance money.

We can do this.  We have to do this.


  1. SHIT NO, sweetie! I am so so sorry. :-( This is such horrible news when you think you have a plan and you're set to move forward, and then THIS. This sucks so bad. :-(

    Sending you hugs and support, I wish I could help. I hope that something works out soon, maybe with open enrollment coming up hubs can work with his company to get this changed, because you're right it is total crap.