Tuesday, August 3, 2010

For Those Who like Bathroom Humor...

I heated up spinach pie for lunch on Friday for Gianna, Hubs, and I and we all pigged out on it.  Well, a few hours later while shopping at the mall I was doubling over in pain and had to use the little ladies room... more than once.  I came home and told Hubs and he said that he too felt awful afterwards.  We teased that it was only a matter of time before Gianna would have a massive blowout.  (If only I knew...)
Hours passed with no problems for Gianna so we all go out to dinner with my IL's.  Gianna is sitting and eating nicely in her highchair when she starts grunting.  Her face gets all red and she was really really working hard on her business.  After she was finished I went to go change her and I notice a massive portion of the back of her white shirt is now all brown and green. When I further inspected I found that the stuff is all oozing out of her diaper and pants.  I immediately pick her up and with my arms extended out run to the bathroom.  Once I get there I find that I only have two wipes.  No joke this is a 10 wipe job.  What do I do?!  WHERE DID MY WIPES GO?!
So I literally scoop up as much goop as possible with the one wipe and throw that into the toilet. I have one whip left to clean up the rest of the mess that is basically covers all of Gianna's front to all the way up her back.  I did the best I could.  That wipe just didn't cover it.  In a panic I could only think of one option... I brought her naked body to the sink and I washed her.   My mother-in-law ran into the car and came back with an extra outfit and we dressed her.  I then told my waiter what had happened and  profusely apologized but thought they should know so they could bleach the sink.  
I was thanking my lucky stars that this place is a family atmosphere type restaurant and the waiter was really good about the whole thing.  Dinner was over and we go to pay our bill.  I do what I always do when Gianna eats out prior to us leaving ... I clean her mess under the table.  Then I see it.  There was a glob of poop on the floor under her high chair. Nothing got on her chair so I had no idea that some plopped onto the floor.  I wanted to DIE!!! I of course cleaned that up, told the waiter so they could bleach the floor, left that him the biggest tip known to mankind and then sprinted myself out of that restaurant.  


  1. I'm afraid to laugh b/c (knock on wood) we haven't had this happen to us yet - a beyond words massive blowout. But seriously, HAHAHAHAHA at the poop under the table. That's too funny!

  2. The disturbing thing is that I read this while eating and did not even flinch. Ah, what motherhood has done to us! Such a funny story though.

  3. OMG you poor thing! I am dreading that day!