|HCG med not pictured. Please excuse my crappy cell phone pic.|
When I got home I laid out all my meds, syringes, and needles on the counter to make room for them in my fridge. Looking at all of the medication stacked up on my counter all I could think about was how it looked like a pharmacy in my very own home. I suddenly became really overwhelmed and then just incredibly sad. I did what it seems like lately infertility always makes me do, I cried.
Cried because I couldn't believe that it came to this point. Cried because I feel sorry for my poor stomach that is going to have to endure a beating. Cried because of the fear that I may go through all of this for nothing. Cried because if this doesn't work we will have to do IVF and that just means even more bags upon bags of boxes upon boxes. I cried because it hit me like a ton of bricks. I am infertile. I need to take serious meds to achieve a pregnancy.
Hubs must have had his "my wife is gonna need me radar" on cuz he came home early that day from work, which he rarely ever gets to do, just mins after my first tears started falling. He did what he has always been amazing at. He wrapped me up in his big strong arms and kissed the top of my head and told me its gonna be alright.
I was talking to a friend about this who is in a similar boat as myself and she said "It is for sure overwhelming. I was excited getting ready to do my first ivf. After I got the meds I just cried. Have your pity party for yourself over the unfairness then pick yourself up and remind yourself how freaking
beautiful this baby will be and loved." And that is exactly what I did.
I am again in that excited place. I start my first injection on Monday. I have my gloves on and I am prepared to do what I need to do to kick infertility's ass.